An Exercise of Passions

I recently read an article by one of my favorite bloggers, Mark Manson, about finding your passion.  He cynically rambles (something I oddly enjoy) about the fact that every persons’ passion presents itself in everyday life, but people just choose to ignore it. They think it lacks viability, probability, stability…the excuses go on and on.

It was an interesting exercise to take a bus ride (or two) to think about the passion that is staring me right in the face, but I am choosing to ignore. The more I pondered, the more I felt nervous, worried that I really don’t have that ‘thing’ that everyone seems to have. I don’t spend hours playing guitar, I’m not obsessed with hula hooping (although I really enjoy hoop time on the beach) and although it’s the majority of my current job (which I do love) I refuse to think of social media as a real passion of mine.

There are a few things I would consider might be passions, one being mixed media. I write, take photos and make videos about things I find beautiful and I do it for fun. But I am just not sure that will always keep me up at night, losing myself in the work I do for those things.

But I think that is OK. Because I think my obsession in life isn’t a thing at all. I formulated in my mind a common theme, a guideline I have found myself living by these last few years. It’s bravery.

By no means am I trying to build myself up as the strong, empowered female that saves the world with the click of a mouse. Instead, I am talking about bravery in the relative sense, about the personal decisions in my life. The internal fears I have overcome to do what I feel is right for me. Doing things that scare me shitless but excite me all the same. I’m addicted to it.

I have made a lot of big decisions recently, the biggest one becoming an Israeli citizen, but I think it all started when I quit my first real job. The job that had taught me so much about the professional world and all of the things I hate about it. In a world where people are fighting for their lives to find a cushy, well-paid office job, I felt entitled enough to quit and move to Israel.

It may have seemed entitled but it was by far the best decision I could have made, and once I made that choice it was like the floodgates had opened. One choice after another in Israel – writing this blog, going on hikes by myself, traveling to Greece alone, opening my heart to men I met along the way, working in a Bedouin community and eventually becoming an Israeli citizen – scared me to no end. But it was as if there was something ingrained in me that I tapped into. A passion, I dare say, that gave me this extra push when I know I needed it.

Thinking about passions is a scary thing. It forces you to take stock of how you spend your hours, because in the end that is what it all comes down to. Where do you decide to spend your precious time? How do you fill the ‘free’ space.

My realization, for the time being, was relieving. It may not be definable. I can’t check a box and say, “that is me,” but I found something even better. I think I might have found a passion that can grow and fill the spaces of my life. I can continue to push limits and find something I might want to stick with.

I encourage all of you in this exercise of passions. What do you spend most of your time doing? What is it that you don’t even realize you enjoy because you have pushed it into the “Unrealistic Box”. You may be surprised at what you come up with.